Friendly Advice
by trubholls25
Summary: Grub has never had much luck with girls, and now he has a huge crush on in his opinion the prettiest girl on the force. When he decides to ask for some friendly advice, what will happen? Just read it! R
1. Chapter 1

This was originally a one-shot, but I split it in two. It is about Grub and his [bad] luck with girls. Just read it! R&R please! I won't post the next part unless I get a few reviews.

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Corporal Grub Kelp turned off the computer that stood in his tiny cubicle and sighed. Suspended, again? He couldn't believe it. Just because of a few measly complaint letters- well, all right, fifty compliant letters. _Trubs is really going to pay now_, he thought. _Just wait till I tell Mummy. _

At that moment, Major Holly Short walked by and stuck her head into the tiny space, "Hey, Corporal, you better get those e-forms in my office by the end of the day," she said, then grinned impishly, "Or I'll tell Lili Frond you're crushing on her. Only Frond knows why, but I'll still tell her. Anyways, I hear Trouble, er, your brother, er, Commander Kelp has you suspended again. What is this, the seventh time? You must have set some kind of record by now."

Grub protested indignantly, "No way- it's only my sixth! Besides, _I'm_ going to complain to Mummy, and she'll make him reinstate me. And I'll have her take care of you, too, if you say anything to Lili!"

Of course, Corporeal Lili Frond chose to walk in, catching the tail end of the conversation. "Hey, Holly, oh, hi, Grub. I hear you got suspended again. Anyway, what weren't you going to tell me?"

Holly, though she loved teasing Grub, felt sorry for him and quickly replied, "Oh just something about the office pool that you're both in on. And, yes, he did get suspended. I heard it from Commander Kelp myself."

Lili answered, "Of course _you would, _seeing as you're living with him. I've got to go- Chix Verbil is insisting on taking me to lunch at the Underworld Café, yes, the best one in Haven. Good luck, Grub, you know, with the suspension and everything."

Waiting until Lili was far down the hallway, Grub sighed wistfully. "I wish I could get some girls. What throws them off? Maybe I really should move out of Mummy's house- oh no, then I'd have to do my own laundry and cooking, bad idea."

Holly winked and said, "You'll get 'em eventually, Grub. Remember to do those e-forms by five," and then left.

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The next part, in my opinion, is better. PLEASE R&R!! Thx!


	2. Chapter 2

Here's part two! After you read, review! REVIEW!

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Grub groaned and resigned himself to filling out paperwork. Time dragged on, and Grub thought to himself, _Hmm… do you think that Trouble would notice if I went to get a Slurpee? I'm hungry…No, no; I'd better just go for the stash of candy bars in my bottom desk drawer. _However, just as he was about to indulge himself in an early-afternoon snack, his brother walked into the workspace. He did have a knack for showing up in the right place at the right time. Snatching the **Floaty Frond**right out of Grub's hand, Trouble spoke, "Corporeal! You know that eating is to only take place in designated areas outside of the cubicles! You're the one who is always complaining, so you should at least know the rules. Sometimes you just need to grow up!"

"But Trou-ubssss!! I'm hungry!"

"Like that changes anything!"

"I'm telling Mummy!"

"She can't do anything to me! I moved out."

"Mummy told me to remind you about dinner on Sunday. Her exact words were, "Tell Leslie to remember to bring his little girlfriend over for Sunday supper. I have to talk to her.""

"I know, I know. I don't want to, but I'll be there with Holly. Mother threatened to, let me see, oh yes, strangle me with her bare hands. I personally would like to keep breathing, so we'll be there."

"That doesn't sound like my Mummy!"

"Well, maybe not the Mummy you know."

Grub's voice then took on a fanciful quality, "So, um, how are you and Holly doing? Happy? I have a great coupon if you need it for a food processor!"

"I'll turn that down, thanks. And why under the world are you asking about Holly? You don't really even give a dwarf's butt about her, since Mother doesn't approve. Ahh, wait, you want my advice. Who are you crushing on this time, but can't even talk to? Lili Frond, am I right?" Grub's silence told Trouble that he had the correct answer.

"Listen, Grub," said Trouble, deciding to be generous one time to his kid brother, "When you find the right one- and really know the right one, you won't need any advice. You'll know what to do. And that fairy is out there somewhere, I'm sure." Trouble patted his brother on the back, and started walking back to his office. As a last minute tidbit, he yelled, "If you want to get her, go find her. Lili's on a date with Verbil right now at the new café across the street. You can do it!"

Grub barely had time to call out a hurried, "Thanks!" before he began to rush down the corridor. Who cared that Lili was somewhat of an airhead? She was still pretty, occasionally nice, and was out of place in the LEP, just like him. Grub was busy thinking of where to cross the street at rush hour [even mass -transport, computer-run vehicles could be dangerous, you know], when he stopped at a cubicle from which faint weeping noises were issuing. Momentarily forgetting about Lili, he wrenched open the door. To Grub's extreme surprise and shock, and red-eyed Lili Frond with running mascara sat in front of him.

She sniffled and said softly, "What do you want?"

"Umm, well, I heard crying and wanted to know what was wrong."

"Nothing is wrong. You have your answer, so GO!"

Grub whispered, "It doesn't sound like nothing. You can tell me- I won't tell anyone- not even Mummy!"

"Fine, I guess I can tell you. Chix Verbil- he, he, he DUMPED me! Me! The great Lili Frond! He said he was going to tell me something important, but I thought he was going to give me a _gift_! Instead, he takes me out to a nice restaurant and tells me that were so different that we couldn't work as a couple. Well, good riddance to him. He didn't deserve me!"

Grub spoke consolingly, "At least you don't have to put up with him anymore. If there's anything more I can do…"

"I don't think so. Thanks, I feel a little better after talking about it."

"Anytime. Hey, do you want to go grab some nettle beers? Work the last of Chix off?"

Lili blushed and replied, "Sure. Let me just go get some stuff out of my locker. Meet me by the elevator in five minutes?"

"Sounds good. See you in five minutes." Although Grub's tone was casual, inside he was fighting to keep from shouting out in joy.

As Grub walked out of Police Plaza's lobby, arm in arm with Lili, he could have sworn a familiar, brotherly voice shouted to him from a distance, "I knew you could do it! Go get 'em, Grub!"

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See, it is longer! Go on; press the review button, whatever you think! Thanks for reading! Check out my other writings!

-trubholls25


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